By Seishuku Skuld (skuldchan@gmail.com)
Series: Final Fantasy X
Pairing: implied Braska + Auron
Warnings: More writing experimentation, swearing, spoilers, shounen-ai
Date: Spring 2002
Another Auron POV courtesy of Angry!Skuld. >.< Part of this is me, and part of this
is Auron. I
can’t tell the parts apart. This
actually meant to be read out loud…
I don’t care if you’re whispering or if you’re shouting, or if your mind is
screaming the words.
Read it fast.
Read it furious.
But most of all, read it hard.
And in the end, tell me if you felt anything.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ha!
Another battle
Another life
Another eon gone by
and I sit in the grass here
the wind blowing
over my face and
racing into my hair.
Another gust
Another flower
Another breath that blows through my body
And I wonder if I’m even there.
If anybody in this damned world
hears or cares and
I’m lying here
Buried in grass
Buried in the roar
the rush of sound
jubilant voices
booming fireworks
celebration
the praise
the song
the dance
the hope
the life
that is
Spira rejoicing.
I breathe another deep breath
and gather air into
my lungs
and hold it there
…
I count
slowly
at
first
and faster
and faster
one two three
one two three
one
two
three four
as I feel the fire
in my chest
exploding
forcing its way
its running flames
through my body
and making me think
making me remember
the way things were
the way things could have been
and it speaks of pain
as my chest opens up
and I gasp again
and my throat is raw
I start it all over
and all over
and over
over
over
over
again
because
GODAMMIT
it never stops
because
people have hope
and people try
and GODAMMIT
its people
and people
and god its people
it’s your friends who die
And yeah
I remember that day
you first smiled at me
with your pretty face
and your kind eyes
and the grin that bound me to you
in what I thought would be forever.
And I never left your side after that
I followed you around
like a lost puppy dog
like a boy that was
looking for love
and chasing it around
and around
and you set me up for it all
you
with your smile
kind words
blue hair
and even in the darkest
hardest
most painful of moments
when the priests said
I had to marry a girl
God, you held me close
and told me things
because I had just asked you
Can I kiss you yet?
and even though you said
no
I knew
you meant
yes
We fell
flying
floating
drifting
life rushing into us
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
until we couldn’t hold it any more
and we went to paradise together
the promised land
and we were both sticky with
sweat and
cum
but hell that never mattered
because
we were falling
flying
floating
drifting
full of laughter
full of life
full of love
full of each other
And who knew
that I’d see you first
with that girl on your arm
and soon after another
and you smiled
like you did at me that first day
and that sent me spinning
around and around
and I couldn’t stop myself
because the world was a flash of color
and it was pleasure
and pain
and hurt
and tears
glass tinkling
flesh ripping
screams
cries
pants
tears
screams
cries
and wetness
and tears
all in one night
And I curse you now
yeah
I curse you now
cause everything is gone
you took
everything
I had
my life
my love
my friend
my hope
my world
and now its all shattered
in shiny little bits
in tiny little bits
that glow
and mock me
and prick me like a thousand daggers
and I know
that was supposed to be
me there
the one you called
the one you kissed
the one you killed
with dripping red blood
with a howl of anguish
yeah, I know
you never meant it to be
me there
but I was there
and I saw
and I felt
and though
I’d found
and held
and hoped
and cried
and loved
and screamed
nothing came of it all
you disappeared
and he’s dead too
killed
by both of us
who never moved
who never knew
who never questioned
who just believed
And now I wonder as I’m sitting here
and staring here
and lying here
and crying here
and making my peace here
because the world is a mess
is a lie
and all the people here
don’t know
what’s creeping on them
the shadow that covers
and they lie
and they cheat
and they love
and they die
and they don’t know
they don’t know
what it’s all for
they don’t think
they don’t live
they just
lie
cheat
love
and die
and hell
I did that too
and now I know
I know what
I know what
you want me to do
and I drag myself up
from the grass
and the wind
and I think
and close my eyes
and I know
I know what I want
and I don’t care
don’t care anymore
because everybody they
lie
cheat
love
and die
and in the end that’s all there is
that’s all that it amounts to
and hell,
it was true love
but if it wasn’t for providence
or whatever they believe
that took you away from me
and now
I’m coming
I’m going
I’m moving
my legs
my arms
my head
my mind
and I’m going
to see you again
in the land of
lights
flowers
waters
and trees
cause I don’t
want anything more
to do with this place
because I’ve
lied
cheated
and loved
and hell, there’s only one more
thing I that I have to do.
and I stride down the path
and mutter to myself
and I count the ways,
one two three
one two three
you, Jecht and me
and I catch you
and you in turn catch me
and we three
are falling
and flying
and not
caring
not seeing
not believing
just living
and lying
and crying
and dying
That’s all there is in the world
just living, lying, crying and dying.
And God you know,
that’s the way it’s going to be.