Saidan no
Hitsuji
Chapter Five: ふくじゅう Fukujuu (Submission)
By Seishuku
Skuld (skuldchan@gmail.com)
Here's the
shounen-ai! Jecht and Auron finally get
together...
I hope I did
it in a convincing (and not contrived ^^;;) fashion!
Aren't they
cute together? Awwww...
Too bad it's
much too short-lived. **sniffles**
Poor Braska
and Jecht. -_-;;
La
Musique: Adiemus - Song of Aeolus
Argent Soma - Silent Wind
Yami no Matsuei - Garasu no
Kanbase
Gensomaden Saiyuki - Open Up Your
Mind
This chapter
is dedicated to (Big Hentai) Mike for giving me inspiration and support...and
for hurting his shoulder and holding it in a sling like Auron's arm in his
coat. ^_^ Yay!
~*~*~*~*~*~
kawaita oto
ga kikoete kuru
sabishisa
tomadou yubisaki ni
sotto itsu
made mo futari
fureatte
tokete yuku toki made...
A dry sound
echoes in the solitude
The tip of
the hesitant finger
Silently the
two touch forever
Until they
melt into each other...
-ARGENT SOMA: Silent Wind
We returned
to Bevelle for a short visit, Braska wanted a brief respite, and wanted to
visit his daughter as well. I agreed to
the small detour, Bevelle would be the perfect place to set sail for the last
two temples before Zanarkand: Kilika and Besaid.
There was
little welcome for us as we entered the
"I
missed you, Daddy," she said, throwing her arms around his neck with
childish affection. There were tears at
the corners of her eyes. "I'm happy
you came back!"
Jecht smiled
at the child as she shyly looked at him and buried her chin in Braska's
shoulder. "Daddy, who's that?"
"That's
Sir Jecht," Braska said as he turned around still holding Yuna. "He's one of my guardians." Yuna squirmed a bit and he set her down on
the floor gently. She was a bit chubby
and still a child, but her differently colored eyes sparkled with an
intelligence and determination that belied her age.
"Nice
to meet you, Sir Jecht," she curtsied clumsily, spreading her small skirt
wide as she bowed on wobbly legs.
"Nice
to meet you too, little Yuna, your dad's told me lots about you." He squatted down to shake her hand and pat
her on the head. "Have you been a
good girl while your dad's been gone?"
Yuna nodded
quickly, "yes," she assured him.
She smiled cheekily at him, the same mischief shining in her eyes that
Braska had in his when he was her age.
"Good!"
Braska exclaimed, hoisting Yuna up on his shoulder again. "Now you tell Daddy everything you've
been doing while I've been away!"
Yuna told him everything, her excited voice fading as Braska walked down
the halls toward his room.
"She's
adorable," Jecht remarked with a smile, folding his arms, "she's
everything he told me she was."
"Yes,"
I replied, finding myself unable to smile like Braska or Jecht. This was probably going to be the last time
Braska would be with his daughter. I
could feel him hiding his pain underneath the smile he showed little Yuna.
"Does
she know?" Jecht asked, as I showed him to his quarters. We walked slowly down Highbridge, inhaling
deeply the scent of the sea. We stopped
many times to admire the sparkling waters, wondering if Sin lurked nearby
underneath the innocent sapphire of the ocean.
"Children
are taught that from the beginning of their schooling," I said, leaning
over the railing of the bridge and letting the wind ruffle my dark hair. "Everyone knows of the sacrifice a
summoner must make."
Jecht
nodded. "You guys don't seem too
happy a lot," he heaved a sigh.
I chuckled a
bit at that comment. "Too many
goodbyes are said." I looked to the
setting sun casting its dying rays over the water, the light reflecting to
illuminate the great tower that was the pinnacle of Bevelle Temple. "Sin could attack at any moment. He destroys whole cities in a matter of
seconds, there is no time for happiness in Spira."
"But
we're gonna change that aren't we?"
Jecht looked at me, and I saw determination in his face. "We're gonna defeat Sin and bring the
Calm!"
I couldn't
help but smile back in his optimism. He
seemed so set on succeeding that I couldn't help but believe him, even if it
was just for a fleeting moment. He
clapped me on the shoulder. "That's
right," I heard myself saying, "we're going to defeat Sin once and
for all."
***
I couldn't
sleep that night. Restlessness had
settled about me like a fog in the morning.
I tossed and turned in my bed, even got up and paced my room, but I
still couldn't sleep. Various thoughts
presented themselves in my mind, what was going to become of Yuna once Braska
died, what would become of Jecht and Jecht's family, what I would do at the end
of the pilgrimage. I worried, I thought,
pondered, reflected, and still I couldn't sleep. Insomnia surrounded me, closing about me and
choking me until I was forced to get up and go outside for a breath of fresh
air.
The temple
was dead quiet except for the occasional murmurs of the night guards, keeping
their eyes on the horizon, for any sign of the black shadow that would be
Sin. Though the rest of Bevelle was
quiet, the Temple still kept its vigil, posting guards throughout all the hours
in a never-ending watch. Not even during
the Calm did the night guard relax.
Because Sin always came back.
I slipped
past them silently, intending to find my old sanctuary where I could look
across the ocean in peace. I kept to the
shadows of the walls, not wanting to be discovered. It was suspicious enough for a man to be
wandering around the city at night, more so for a fallen warrior-monk and
guardian.
I crept
along, dashing quickly along the stairs and padding down silent halls until I
reached a back door that would take me into the streets of the city. I opened it slowly, knowing exactly how to
move it so the ancient thing didn't creak.
I'd done this too many times, each time with Braska by my side. But this time, I was alone. Like how it would be from here on. Braska couldn't be with me forever, I'd have
to learn how to live alone and cherish what memories of him I had. Aside from him, I had only one true friend
left, Jecht.
I thought it
funny how I never would have considered him a friend at the beginning of the
pilgrimage. But somehow, as I got to
know him better, I started liking him.
He was not a likable person by any means, but there was something about
him that drew me like a moth to firelight.
I couldn't put my foot on it, but it didn't bother me too much. I just hoped I wouldn't get burned.
Silence hung
about the city of Bevelle, covering it like a blanket on a cold day. It sunk into the stones and the wood of the
buildings, an ubiquitous presence, almost tangible in its existence. The doors
to shops and houses were latched shut, the windows dark as the entire city
slept. There was not a spark of light in
the city to guide me save for the full moon which shone brightly overhead, its
glowing beauty unmarred for the moment by the ominous shadow of Sin.
I ghosted
along the streets, listening to the whispers of the wind and the hum of the sea
ahead of me. Bevelle was a sprawling
city built on a delta, where the Moonflow ran into the sea. Bevelle had been built with complex aqueducts
throughout the city, so many fountains lined our boulevards and waterfalls
cascaded from the buildings of the temple.
Our entire life and trade revolved around the waters.
Often, the
docks at Bevelle would be full of trade ships, but there would always be one or
two that would be empty, an unforgettable sign that Sin still lurked in the
sea.
My boots
thudded dully against the pier as I listened to the waves lapping gently at the
wood, rhythmic splashes that disturbed the night. To my surprise, I found Jecht already there,
staring into the moonlit expanse.
"Jecht,"
I said, as soon as I saw his solitary silhouette, "what are you doing
here?"
He turned
around and shrugged, the moonlight illuminating his features and making his normally
dark skin seem pale. "I couldn't sleep."
"Not
tired?" I laughed, coming to a stop beside him and savoring the glow of
the moon.
"Just
thinking," he replied, a bit distracted.
I
understood. Jecht was a man of the sea,
he grew up, lived, breathed the water.
There was no way he could be so close to the sea and not feel its
yearning, hear its siren call. To the
people of Spira, the sea was a constant reminder of the dangers of Sin, he
lurked often in the depths of the waters, only to suddenly surge to the surface
and destroy unwary sailing ships. The
sea was a blessing and a curse to Bevelle, it fed us and killed us, a double
edged sword.
Braska and I
used to play often on the docks when we could escape our classes, we made
little boats out of leaves and paper every time a ship from Bevelle was
reported missing or destroyed by Sin.
They were our condolences to the fallen.
Now Braska was about to be counted among them, the thousands that died
because of Sin, fighting Sin, humanity's war for purity.
The
teachings of Yevon taught that Sin was the punishment for our past crimes, and
could only be destroyed by complete atonement.
I wondered if that time would ever come.
It was a bitter thought, that Braska would die to give Spira only a few
years of rest before Sin returned and another summoner would give his or her
life. I could only hope that one day,
Sin would be gone for good. That a
summoner would defeat it forever and free Spira from the chains that bound
it. That time seemed so far off.
While Spira
would wait for forgiveness, more summoners would die. It seemed horribly unfair, but I had to admit
it was the practical thing to do. Braska
would be giving his life to bring a few years of the Calm, saving hundreds of
lives, which would otherwise by cut short by Sin, the disease that killed
Spira.
I thought of
Braska, how the wind used to ruffle our hair, whisper into our ears, and carry
our joyful laughter as we played by the sea.
Now that would be no more, our final destination, Zanarkand seemed too
impossibly close. There wasn't much time
left with Braska before we'd be escorting him into the last Chamber of the
Fayth, to his death.
I hated this
world, I hated Sin, I cursed the fate of Spira that would rip my dearest friend
from me. I looked over to Jecht,
wondering whether he was thinking the same.
The salty
sea wind chilled us and stung our eyes.
Jecht was rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. He seemed to always be thinking of his
family, Mireiyu and Tidus, and the things he'd never get to do with them. He'd never see his son grow up, never have a
hand in his upbringing. Never make him
into the blitzball star he wanted to, never see his son follow in his father's
shoes. His world was full of nevers.
"The
wind?" I asked carefully, knowing that wasn't the reason he was rubbing
his eyes. I should have kept my mouth
shut, there's a rule of silence when a man cries, but I couldn't help
myself. Braska's imminent death was
making me feel a bit bitter as well, and I wondered whether or not the wetness
on my cheek was from the wind.
"No,"
he answered calmly, "Mireiyu and Tidus." He didn't seem to mind that was I seeing him
grieve over his wife and child. We were
close like that.
I nodded
sympathetically. I'd never seen Jecht
cry before. He seemed like the kind of man who'd hold it back no matter what,
and I'd felt him do it many times. But I
also knew there were times when the tears would come and fighting against them
would just be a senseless struggle, and the harder you resisted them, the more
they came.
I would
support him, give him what little I could, what I had left after my own
mourning for Braska.
"It's..."I
paused, trying to think of the words I should say. I was never good at comfort, the situations
always seemed too awkward. But I felt
freer with Jecht. We were kindred souls,
lost warriors with an uncertain future.
We traveled for months together, we had come to know each other and
understand each other. "It's all
right." I felt that was all I
needed to say. I put my hand on his
shoulder to let him know I sympathized.
He broke
down then, and the tears came spilling onto his cheeks like blood from an
unhealed wound, in large droplets sparkling in the moonlight, swept away
quickly by the wind. I stood soundless
by his side as he wept for his wife, his son, and for his life he'd never have
back again, for all the nevers that filled him, that wouldn't let him forget. I offered him my strength, everything I could
muster inside of me as I took him in my arms and held him close.
Seeing Jecht
cry made me want to weep as well, but for Braska instead, and our companionship
cut short. He would die and leave me
alone, without the friend I'd had for as long as I could remember. I pretended it would be all right, that it
was for the happiness of Spira, for the hope of the people, but I found that no
consolation. When Braska brought the
Calm, all of Spira would be rejoicing, except for one solitary warrior-monk and
his friend from Zanarkand who would mourn the loss of a true friend.
Jecht and I
held each other close, each of us lamenting our own cruel fate, the one that
tore us from the ones we loved. At that
moment, it was just Jecht and I, clinging to each other in our misery, sharing
our sorrow and passing what comfort we could between us.
We cried
together, collapsing to our knees on the dock as our tears drained the strength
from us. We held on tight, as if the
other was a lifeline, a way to salvation after Braska's death. If we stayed together, I thought through the
bleeding of my heart, perhaps life without Braska would be more bearable.
Jecht was
the one that stopped first, he wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand
and cursed himself for crying.
"I
accepted the loss of Mireiyu and Tidus long ago," he grumbled in his deep
voice, lifting me gently off him.
"As you should accept yours."
He gripped my shoulders firmly, searching my face.
I still hung
my head, painfully replaying all of my happiest memories with Braska: when were
children, when we were studying, training, when we belonged to each other in
our awkward kisses and hesistant embraces.
I mourned
our childhood and the day Braska decided to leave and travel the world, coming
home with a woman. I never begrudged him
his love for Reiu, she was a beautiful and kind girl, and loved Braska with all
her heart. I didn't mind losing Braska
to her, but the well of emptiness that was left inside me would not be
ignored.
I had pushed
my feelings for him aside after that, they were a constant throbbing in the
back of my mind, but I paid them little heed.
Now that she was gone and Braska would follow after her, the years of
pain I'd hidden welled up and filled me, splashing over the walls of my soul.
I knew I had
to give Braska up, I would have to accept that I would lose him. That didn't make it any easier, however. But if there was someone with me, someone who
shared my pain, I knew I would be able to do it.
I nodded and
Jecht lifted my chin up, wiping the tears from my face with gentle
fingers. I could feel my cheeks
flushing, Braska had once done the very same thing to me when we were younger.
"Jecht..."
I whispered, surprised at the sudden sensuality of that movement.
"Quiet,
Auron."
What was
Jecht doing? I wondered if it had been
too long since I'd last been in a relationship, perhaps my feverish mind was
simply twisting his kindness into something else.
There was something
that had drawn me to Jecht since my initial apology. We became fast friends, he'd been much
friendlier and less rude, and we'd shared many stories. But I'd always unconsciously dismissed Jecht
as a potential lover, because underneath his cheerful banter I knew he always
missed his wife and child, and loved them greatly. I thought he wasn't attracted to men as I
was, I thought he'd just be a friend.
But when I looked up at him, as he wiped those tears, there was no
mistaking what I saw.
"Jecht..." He gazed at me with his eyes, his fingers
still gently cupping my chin. For many
moments we didn't move, staring at each other, waiting for the other. The wind ruffled his disheveled brown hair,
his red headband flapping like an alarm beacon.
The silvery rays of the moon shone on his tanned skin, giving it an
unearthly dark glow. I caught my breath and bit my lip. So beautiful.
He seemed to be waiting for me to make a move.
My mind
raced, what was it that Jecht wanted? I
had inkling of an idea, but it was so startling, so wildly impossible. My heart beat wildly against my chest, the
thumping echoing in my mind as I tried to gather my scattered thoughts. He had already had a wife and a child whom he
loved, and yet...
I was never
one for hesitation. Even if it would
cost me something dear later, I rarely stopped to think about what I'd be
doing. I was spontaneous, I did what I
wanted to when I wanted to. I followed
my heart, I had no regrets, and I gave into the moment.
"Jecht,"
I whispered again, trembling. I wasn't
sure if it was because the wind was starting to chill me, or because of the
tight knot in my stomach. I closed my
eyes and leaned forwards, following my instincts. And then I was drowning as he
pressed his lips to mine, lingering there for long moments before moving to
bite gently at my lower lip.
The kiss
become alive as we explored each other, something we created that had suddenly
taken on a form of its own. It permeated
our minds, winding gently around our hearts and kindling the desire hidden in
our souls. The heat of that kiss crashed
over me in waves as I listened to the twin sounds of the sea and our
synchronous moaning. We were very much
alike, but yet Jecht was mysterious and new, a breath of fresh air to the long
oppressive silence of the pilgrimage and its meaning. We found each other, comforted each other,
made the other a safe-haven in the tumultuous chaos of Spira.
Somehow,
that night, we made it back to my room.
It was a journey that seemingly took forever, racing down the empty
boulevards, creeping along the dark corridors of temple, underneath the
towering statues of past Maesters and High Summoners gazing at us from their
great height. They cast their shadow
about us, but we were immune in our euphoria of discovery. There was fire in our hearts and moonlight on
our tails and there was nothing I wouldn't have given to keep that moment
forever.
We finally
arrived at the door to my room, pushed it open, and collapsed in a heap on the
bed.
"Move
over, you selfish fiend, I'm freezing to death!" Jecht said with a
chuckle.
There were
no more words that night. Then again, we didn't need words.